Hey
idk if u ever gonna read that....i wonder..
but i fell like writin here to you....no matter what u acting like or not, im still a fool and i still feel comfortable and happy talkin to you (even it has to be like dat, in such a impersonal way) and i still like to consider you my best friend because our relationship was the closest i get to a best friends relationship so far...
my life sucks, uk? ive been thinkin in givin up of everything...school, future, life....it seems that my whole world is fucked up...
first of all, after i got out of there and left so many ppl that i loved and that loved me back....true friends, it was so hard...u hav no idea how many nights i still cry because of that...my strength was you all, bc here i knew i wouldnt hav anybody who cares bout me, or to trust.
I knew my school would be boring and make me tired, i knew my free time would be reduced, i knew i couldn't do the things that i love bc its senior year....all this things that i knew, they made me really sad.
But what still hurts the most is the things that r happenin and ive never thought they would happen.
theres all the pressure bout the future...I always thought i wanted to go to some music college and now my dad doesnt want me to go, and that made me think bout it and realize that im not sure bout anything...im so fucking lost like ive never been b4. i cannot even explain how. and thats such a pressure in my mind...everybody is so sure bout their futures, while im the dreamer..
and then, the worse thing that happened to me...u left me without any reason or explanation. u just went away, the only person that i thought i would talk forever, actually that MADE ME THINK that...this person, my best friend, the one that i told everything about me, somethings that i couldnt say, that showed me how life can be fun, that gave me so much love and cared bout me, that told me i helped soo much, left me when i needed him the most.
Im surrounded by ppl here but im alone at the same time.
nobody cares that much, nobody is there when u need, we r all just classmates that try to hav some fun in the small amount of free time that we have.
My life is so bad that i'd rather recall the last months than live my reality. i still rather get home and go to my laptop and try to talk to ppl in watertown than do my homework or study (that its wat i was supposed to do).
I still read ur goodbye letter sometimes...pretty much every week...that still makes me cry and feel loved and believe that ull be there always, and that i still hav my best friends right there wanting me back.
Ik thats not the truth right now but this illusion is better than my real life and thats my only hope right now.
without my memories i would be nothing now.
and thats all i hav to say.
as i told you i dont expect u to read that....in case that u do..well i still hav faith in u.
thanks for "listening".
xxx
______________________
Well, a couple months have passed and now I can say that I'm over it. Since you want me out of your life, I won't look for you in the crowd. I know you'll very happy. Thank you for the memories. I will never forget. Someday, I'll be famous and you'll be in my songs...that's all I can offer right now.
You hurt me, but I don't care anymore.
